my momma taught me.

now that I am a mother of two myself, this cannot be any more truer than true.

i love you, Mum, though i never said it often.

layer by layer.

so i brought le mummy out on a baking class of one of her favourite cakes evuhhh - Kek Lapis Prune & Rempah conducted by Zanstreats.

Mum was excited and on the ball! i was like, relax Mak.. but she was enthusiastic! asking about this ingedients, that baking tin size, this method, that oven temperature. haha my mother so cute.
its not even her first time baking, but so cute to see her as a student for a change. lol.

we did 6x6 square cakes, times two because well, different houses.
and i personally was pleased with the outcome.

 

and now she is pumped up to keep practising the cakes, because #semangat. hehehhh. which is good, because DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH KEK LAPIS COSTS DURING HARI RAYA!! the cheapest so far was SGD50.00! madddddnesssss!

told Mak that if we could succeed this cake, and its other flavours, i would actually quit my job and do kek lapis for orders. she concurred.

now she's buying the baking stuffs to make the cakes,
and asked me about other traditional cake classes that she could attend.

Mak oh Makkk.
why you so cute.

in loving memory of KKukie Kat

I hadn't had a loss so so deep for a very long time. It's been a month, but the grieve hadn't gone away. There's no telling when.

I've always been distant with furry animals, but we had you nevertheless. You were just a tiny kitten, small in size but occupied a huge part of our hearts and mind, and life.

I'm not the one whom held you the most, not the one who showered you nor the one who patted you to sleep the most. But I love and care for you no less. Especially when it was just us during my entire maternity leave period. Those early mornings and late nights and in between naps.

I don't need anyone telling me what I should or should not have done that morning. I know the feeling of guilt. Regret, upset. And those exact feelings killed me a little inside every time I passed by areas that's filled of your memories.

I had been asked if I'll take another furbaby. I doubt so.

I don't know if we had given you the best of your life, but you filled mine with happiness, laughter and amusement. Thank you for being in my life. You are loved by many.

I take consolation that we tried. You tried. You astounded me with your willpower shown by your last movements. Truly, you're my strong baby boy, like your namesake. I take consolation in the whole day we spent together. Just you and me.

I miss you. So much.
I pray to meet you again, at the Gardens under which the river flows, where He promised.

this time, I'll be sure to hold you, Insya Allah.

she matters.

i read a post in fb, which goes something like this:

often we hear a man (husband) say to his wife:
"this is my mother. 
she took care of me since young. she nursed me when i was sick, and gave me education so i can become what i am today. 
so please love her, respect her, take care of her, treat her like your own. be nice to her." 

rarely we hear a man (son) says to his family:
"this is my wife. 
she left her parents (who took care of her) to be be with our parents, she left her family (whom she grew up with) to be with our family, she left her house (which she had been staying in) to stay in our house, she left her personal lifestyle (which she is used to) to fit into our lifestyle.
so please love her, respect her, take care of her, treat her like your own. be nice to her."

disclaimer: any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. 

kadang kala ada orang yang tak sedar dan ada orang yang tak ingat.
tapi sendiri mau ingat ah.

myob tyvm.

i chanced upon this article on Elite Daily and Huffingtonpost in my newsfeed, and thought that it couldnt be any more appropriate: 

"this is just a friendly P.S.A. that people's reproductive and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business."

read here
read here too

these days, being concerned and being nosy is a very thin line. 
its hard to differentiate and its harder to tell off those overly concerned people that they are poking too deep into a matter that isn't their concern. 

i have definitely gotten people asking me whether i already have (a baby in the womb) or not, or do i have any 'filling (of a baby)' or not, etc. i don't mind general questions like these, because i too, will answer generally. "oh yes ive had my fill (of food), thank you." or "i just showed you my baby (cat)!". the person are likely to reply "oh come on, for real now!" 
i will then end with a simple "Insya Allah ada, doakan ye." and repeat this line at their persistent queries.

i did also, ever had a relative from the other side who went further on how i should look into other options for pregnancy. the audacity! she went on about the costs of other conceiving methods. a colleague even advised me what to do/eat before and before intimate moments. say whuuttt?!?! its bad that i had to listen to those, its worse that i cannot tell them off because i am supposed to respect elderly and im not supposed to be sensitive over comments by some auntie, right? pfffffft. 

yes, we all know this is a test for couples who hadn't reached the makcikpakcik stage. society will never be able to draw a line when they should stop probing. yet it takes two to make a conversation as pleasant as possible. 

just.dont.be.kepo.please.

"If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you. If you're curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready."

fly high.

cause even the impossible

is easy when we got each other; 

one day we're gonna get so high

:: Lighthouse Family - High ::

this song was on Spotify earlier, and it reminded me why i truly enjoy this track a lot.
texted abz, dedicating this track to him, to which he replied "awww, so sweet."
haiiiii, baru tahu ke bang?

that aside, High made me recount the ups and downs of the past year, and life in general. abz and i had made it this far and we have so much more to go. thinking about our future worries me a lot, for i don't deal well with uncertainties and i'm a heavy unnecessary thinker. i reckon no matter how bad times could be, as long as we've got each other, we could pretty much sail through the storms together. prolly not smoothly all the time, but we'll manage. thats how we're supposed to get by, yes? by managing.

true to its lyrics,
at the end of the day, remember the way; we stayed close to till the end, we'll remember it was me and you.

dear hubz, lets go get 'em good.

for keeps.

the little things in that extra mile.

一起.

#notetoself

such is, life with people around us. there's just so many sorts of people and characters and attitudes.

i really think that people who cant be happy for others and do all sorts of terrible things to other people are one of the ugliest of them all.
 
ah well.

just a bent.

the following song is on repeat; no reason in particular.

imo, it is a nice song for one's partner and oneself to not give up on each other, because at any time, its important to remind each other to

just give (me) a reason, just a little bit's enough, 

just a second - we're not broken, just bent...

so we can learn to love (each other) again.

anyway here's a cover by Chester See and Madilyn Bailey:
(the piano and plain background just gets to me for this one.)

word.

isnt it?